The first and last Britany Spears post

I have to hand it to the media: they convinced me to do the one thing I never thought I'd do: think about Britany Spears.

My first confession is that I never 'got' her. I never understood the creepy fascination that middle-aged men had for her in the 90's, nor did I understand the point of listening to vapid music. She seemed like a well-meaning, if not articulate young woman that didn't need yet another person giving her career the time of day. Then came the blond celebrity one-upsmanship in which she and Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton have recently participated. Dispersions aside, Ms. Spears' only crime is not thinking. Unlike Lohan, Hilton, and Ritchie, Britany did nothing wrong; she committed no crime. Yes, public indecency in the not-wearing-panties scandal and the questionable ability to mother her children area were bad--but that is something we knew before she got pregnant. We can't stand here dumbfounded and pretend that we couldn't predict this: we all saw it in our respective minds' eyes! We knew this day would dawn: so no more self-righteous soapboxing!

Then came the VMAs: the annual MTV tribute to wanton sexuality and inappropriate relationships between 30 year-old musicians and their 13 year-old fans (think about it). Britany, seemingly making a last-minute decision to join the show, was given the 'kickoff' spot--seemingly enticing a scandal.

There are three things to say about this performance: she looked stoned or drunk; her ability was impaired; and she chose a bikini as her ensemble. Of course, none of us watched it live--I haven't watched MTV since Clinton's first term: we had to catch this on news programs or online, but the career damage was done. She displayed none of the self-confidence or ability that one expects from a star performer. That's it. Except for one thing...

The media decided she was fat. They decided that this relatively skinny woman was fat. And worse: they decided that this was offensive. It wasn't the fact that anyone dancing in a bikini in a hall (as opposed to a beach: the only place that we allow that dress on anyone above a size 2) would present a problem, or the crotch-grabbing and rubbing of the "dance" was objectionable, or that her inability to perform these moves felt less about her preparation and more about a lack of sobriety; no, it was that a bunch of men in the media decided she was fat. This was discussed on talk radio, morning shows, and nightly newscasts: even the ordinarily reliable Keith Olbermann felt compelled to call Britany fat. If any of those men were in a bar and saw her or a doppelganger walk up in her current physical state, they would try to take her home.

The dichotomy between what is expected of celebrities as opposed to the rest of us has never been clearer. A woman that appeared to be physically healthy and well-proportioned was intoxicated and the social crime leveled against her was that she was fat. Excuse me, moral police, but get a grip. I have never been more ashamed of my people (men) than I am about this.